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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 20th, 2023

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  • Honestly, it sounds to me like he just really wasn’t present in the moment.

    I just cannot believe he would intentionally do such a thing, if he was aware of the entire situation, given your previous interactions. I might be projecting, (for I’ve been in such situations, and it was horrible for everyone involved), but I believe he was strongly tuned out somehow. Dissociated, either because of other things in his life at the time, or because of the date itself.

    I think, no matter the cause, that’s still a bad sign for a date, he was not in a situation to pay attention to you, which was not a good thing at all.

    If you feel some kind of empathy for that, or if you have any degree of interest, you could literally ask him. I think it’s good and proper to ask what was going on, about a time you were hurt, assuming you want further association with someone.

    Otherwise, as a rule, I believe other people’s minds are kinda unknowable, and Very unreliable (we make mistakes all the fucking time), so I would not take it personally. I’d be willing to bet, it was not meant to be any kind of slight to you, or any intentional message. He probably just fucked up, and you should probably let it go, and move on.

    To be clear, I don’t think there’s a right answer about whether you try to connect with him again or move on. Whichever you honestly feel you want, in your gut, is probably right.


  • I can’t advise you on anything that happened on the date itself, those are entirely yours and person-specific.

    Assuming that you are not interested in anything with him at all, and just want to properly reject him, I strongly recommend not ghosting him fully, and instead give a kind but firm and clear rejection.

    You don’t have to go into detail explaining. Especially after mutually keeping distance for that long, it’s clear that there was no spark between you, and you can just say something along those lines. “Sorry, I didn’t feel the chemistry, and I really feel like we don’t match. But I wish you happiness.”

    For those last couple questions you ask… My opinion is that they’re are no rules.

    1. Guys being expected to pay feels slimy to me, but paying itself can be good, like a gift, especially if you reciprocate and pay for something else another time.

    2. The gal asking for what would make her happy in terms of which shop to go to… Should be an absolute given. If you feel like you’re not gonna have fun somewhere, recommend the better option, absolutely.